We have chosen three charities as part of this tribute as they helped us a lot during these difficult times.

The 6 weeks between Mia's 12 week scan and the termination of pregnancy were fraught with painful waiting and difficult decisions. The ARC's information booklets helped us with these decisions. Amniocentesis, CVS or carry on with scans? How often to be followed up? At every step and with every new piece of information we had to answer the same question over and over again: Do you want to continue with this pregnancy?

Nuchal translucency far above the normal meaning high chance of malformations - do you want to continue?

Turner syndrome - do you want to continue?

A single working kidney - do you want to continue?

The cystic hygroma is not shrinking, suggesting there are other problems - do you want to continue?

Our last scans showed that the fluid had expanded and was now not only in the skin but also in the lungs and abdomen. On top of that, her heart would not be able to sustain her life once she was born and probably not even to term... Do you want to continue? It felt like Mia made the most difficult decision for us at this point. But there were more decisions yet to come: medical or surgical termination? Do you want to see her once she is born? Do you want to hold her? Do you want a birth certificate? Do you want photos? Hand and footprints? A memory box? Will you want a post mortem? A funeral? Cremation or burial?

On the 11th November, after 13 hours of painful and exhausting labour, we went home without a baby. My body, however, did not know that. It took a week for the breast milk to stop coming. I felt incredibly empty. Where other mothers would be receiving congratulations, I carried everywhere the tiny teddy bear that had come in the memory box kindly donated by 4Louis and given to us by the staff at the hospital. I sent a couple of friends a photo of the footprints. Mia's hands were too swollen to get proper handprints.

While I was in labour, mum read the booklet for grieving grandparents, provided by Sands. I think it helped. Their information on funerals for babies, on grieving and the stories of other families going through similar things helped us. Sands also do important research to help prevent stillbirths and neonatal deaths and organise training for healthcare professionals. The care we received from the foetal medicine team and the gynaecology ward was really very good and it was clear everyone understood the emotional suffering that we were dealing with. 'What is essential is invisible to the eye'. A few weeks after Mia was born, we signed up as members of Sands and I ordered their (free) memory box, which is bigger than the one we got from 4 Louis and will fit in it our maternity notes etc.

Emma